Cantina Voltaire

Well I went down to Mos Eisley for a converter
Hell you know how hot it gets on Tatooine
Well then I saw that there cantina
I'll go in for an Orangina
I heard it was rough, but how bad could it be?

Well I walked through the door, and the music stopped (dead... [Gulp])
All manner of men and beasts were staring at me
Seems just one week before
Their Twi'lek slave girl walked out the door
And I guess I was the next best thing they'd seen

I lost more than my heart in that Cantina
I left my manhood there on Tatooine
Son, it don't mean you're weak
If you turn the other cheek
But if you spread 'em both for Jabba, son, you ain't a man

Old Hammerhead, he fixed his mind to screw me
Whipped out his tool and nailed me to the bar
My anus, he destroyed. Now i got me Hemmeroids
They had to wrench him off my nuts with a gaffi bar

I was hit over the head by ol' Han Solo
I'd have never guessed that pirate was a homo
I woke up next to Chewbacca
I was smeared in Wookiee ca-ca
And what they did to my poor nipples was a no-no