Congratulations, John, On Joining Every Time I Die! Bomb the Music Industry!

Congratulations! Go stretch your ears and get a neck tattoo
Congratulations! All of our friends knew there was no better choice than you
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa

Congratulations! Are you gonna move up north and throw away your Yankees hat?
Congratulations! Are you gonna swear off ska and stop gelling your hair back?
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa

Nice going asshole
Nice going asshole
Nice going asshole
Nice going asshole
You finally did something right and I'm 2% bummed it wasn't me

I hope you know that Christine's gonna ask you to get into all your shows for free
And I will smile while silently resenting you for quitting Bomb the Music Industry
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa

Now Dave has another friend who's in a more successful band
Now Jenna's got another contact and another drummer to make out with again! w00t!

Nice going asshole
Nice going asshole
Nice going asshole
Nice going asshole
You finally did something right and you'll probably meet Dave Grohl
And tell us about him when you get home