Miss Massachusetts Tori Amos

[Tori Amos, spoken]
Hello! So...

[Audience member] Play it again, Sugar!

[Tori Amos]
...what? I don't know, maybe come tomorrow, we'll see. I got something else now. Something I've never done before

But see what happened, see, I got inspired. And the thing about this place, I don't want to scare you now, okay. Because, uh, well, I love this old place. I played here a long time. So you gotta overlook the rats. And you have to just smile at them as they crawl by and say 'I knew you back from '98!' And they go *imitates rat noises* They go, 'You've lost weight!' And I look at them and say 'Yeah, you haven't.' But you do meet people here at the Orpheum, from rats to beauty queens

So you know, I just want to say today, I haven't met a lot of beauty queens in my life. I've met a lot of girls that would like to think that they're beauty queens and they're hoes. Or they've been to the surgeon

[Sung]
One too many times

[Spoken]
Yeah, but I don't mind all that, I don't judge on that. So I met Miss Massachusetts today. And I just want you to know...yeah, there she is. And I just want you to know this is Miss Massachusetts here at the Orpheum. Between rats and Miss Massachusetts, my life is complete. Thank you, my darling. So...I learned today that oh, oh, that old Donald Trump is involved, isn't he, in all this? Did you get to meet him? Oh, did you? Did you shake his hand? You did. And was it wet? Well, I wanted to know, was he fired up? A little. I would think so. Well, I got a little song for you, Miss Massachusetts. Yeah. You can sit down now. Okay

[Verse 1]
If you had to choose between me and the Donald
Who would you choose, Miss Massachusetts?
If you had to choose between me and the Donald
Where would you get more
As who's apprentice?

[Chorus]
Life can be a dream
When you're peaches and cream
Hot cherry pie
The cannoli inside
Life can be a dream
When you are peaches and cream
Hold onto your crown
There's always someone trying to bring you down