What makes a human different than the rest of the food chain
Is not that we are at the top of it
When I got my first pet ever, a leopard gecko, back from the pet store, I was distressed
"No no no no no no, don't do this to me... What do you mean leopard geckos can't climb walls? The whole freaking point of getting a gecko is so you can send them on spy missions!"
I learned to love him for what he was not
I named him Sizzler
After my favorite restaurant
Where you could get chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs
Let me tell you, there is no more inspiring buffet item
Than a lump of reconstituted chicken parts that styles itself as a Stegosaurus
So Sizzler was a fitting name for a Leopard Gecko
The earthbound gecko
That chooses to live not as some wannabe green reptilian Spiderman
but as a ferocious jungle cat
A truly aspirational beast
Following in the glorious tradition of the Whale Shark
The Cat Fish
The Egg Plant
And of course the Horseshoe Crab
A crab that dreams of being... a horses shoe
I fed Sizzler live crickets that lived in a terrarium that sat in the bathtub
So in case they somehow managed to escape the cage
They would struggle fruitlessly against the impossibly high porcelain prison walls
I'd shake the crickets up in a paper bag full of protein powder like some fucked up death maraca before he crunched in
A wing or spare leg hanging out his lower jaw like salad greens
I couldn't figure out why I was feeding my pets to each other
I had this little secret
Sometimes I would slip into the bathroom and carelessly
-whoops- glance the terrarium and slide the roof a crack to grant crickets that could climb that granite slab a fighting chance
If they made it over they were honorary geckos
A couple earned their freedom and escaped into the wall paneling
Where played their tiny violins as long as they had music in their legs
Is not that we are at the top of it
When I got my first pet ever, a leopard gecko, back from the pet store, I was distressed
"No no no no no no, don't do this to me... What do you mean leopard geckos can't climb walls? The whole freaking point of getting a gecko is so you can send them on spy missions!"
I learned to love him for what he was not
I named him Sizzler
After my favorite restaurant
Where you could get chicken nuggets in the shape of dinosaurs
Let me tell you, there is no more inspiring buffet item
Than a lump of reconstituted chicken parts that styles itself as a Stegosaurus
So Sizzler was a fitting name for a Leopard Gecko
The earthbound gecko
That chooses to live not as some wannabe green reptilian Spiderman
but as a ferocious jungle cat
A truly aspirational beast
Following in the glorious tradition of the Whale Shark
The Cat Fish
The Egg Plant
And of course the Horseshoe Crab
A crab that dreams of being... a horses shoe
I fed Sizzler live crickets that lived in a terrarium that sat in the bathtub
So in case they somehow managed to escape the cage
They would struggle fruitlessly against the impossibly high porcelain prison walls
I'd shake the crickets up in a paper bag full of protein powder like some fucked up death maraca before he crunched in
A wing or spare leg hanging out his lower jaw like salad greens
I couldn't figure out why I was feeding my pets to each other
I had this little secret
Sometimes I would slip into the bathroom and carelessly
-whoops- glance the terrarium and slide the roof a crack to grant crickets that could climb that granite slab a fighting chance
If they made it over they were honorary geckos
A couple earned their freedom and escaped into the wall paneling
Where played their tiny violins as long as they had music in their legs
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