Season 2 Episode 2: “Sexual Harassment” The Office (USA)

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Michael: [clears throat] Hey, what's up?
Jim: Hey.
Michael: Any emails today?
Jim: Um... I don't think so.
Michael: No? Um... Check your spam folder.
Jim: Oh! There it is!
Michael: What?
Jim: Um... 'Fifty signs your priest might be Michael Jackson.'
Michael: [laughs uncontrollably]
Jim: Well done.
Michael: Kay.
Jim: Topical.

Michael: I am king of forwards. It's how I like to do business, everybody joking around. We're like 'Friends'. I am Chandler and Joey and, uh, Pam is Rachel. And Dwight is Kramer.

Dwight: So the monkey does the sex thing right here! [monkey noises in background]
Michael: That's funny! That's funny. Not offensive. Uh... because it's nature. Educational.
Dwight: Do you want the link because then you could forward it around?
Michael: Um, I...
Dwight: Consider it?
Michael: Yeah... maybe. Maybe. Well, we'll see. Because I... I don't know if it's... [muffled by jacket over his head] Whup! Come on! Hey!
Todd Packer: What has two thumbs and likes to bone your Mom? [points at self] This guy!
Michael: Kay! Oh, you are so bad! Yeah!
Todd Packer: [makes laser gun noises]
Michael: Oh, Boom! Bam! Oh, this guy is out of control! He is a madman! Better get the bleep button ready for him.
Todd Packer: bleep, bleep. What's up, Halpert?
Michael: Uh oh.
Todd Packer: Still queer?
Michael: Uh oh! Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho-o!