Story 2: The Great Day Arrived Tim Minchin (Ft. Ben Thompson, Bertie Carvel, Karen Aldridge & Oona Laurence)
[MATILDA]
And so, the great day arrived! It was like the entire world had gathered to see The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage. Everything was arranged by... the Acrobat's sister, a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic-class hammer-thrower, who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love
Suddenly, out came the Escapologist, dressed as usual in his tights and spangly costume. But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly strode into the room
[MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST]
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage has been... cancelled!
[MRS PHELPS]
No!
[MATILDA]
Yes! The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon
[MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST]
Cancelled, because my wife is... pregnant!
[MRS PHELPS]
Oh, Matilda!
[MATILDA]
Absolute silence. You could have heard a fly burp. Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation!
The great feat was instantly forgotten, and the applause went on for nearly an hour
[MRS PHELPS]
So it has a happy ending!
And so, the great day arrived! It was like the entire world had gathered to see The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage. Everything was arranged by... the Acrobat's sister, a frightening woman who used to be an Olympic-class hammer-thrower, who loved nothing better than to scare the children of the town. People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love
Suddenly, out came the Escapologist, dressed as usual in his tights and spangly costume. But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. And instead of a musical fanfare, there was silence, as he solemnly strode into the room
[MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST]
Ladies and gentlemen! Boys and girls! The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage has been... cancelled!
[MRS PHELPS]
No!
[MATILDA]
Yes! The audience gasped so loud that a passing aeroplane caught it on its instrumentation and recorded it as an atmospheric phenomenon
[MATILDA and ESCAPOLOGIST]
Cancelled, because my wife is... pregnant!
[MRS PHELPS]
Oh, Matilda!
[MATILDA]
Absolute silence. You could have heard a fly burp. Then suddenly, the audience jumped to its feet and roared in appreciation!
The great feat was instantly forgotten, and the applause went on for nearly an hour
[MRS PHELPS]
So it has a happy ending!
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