Dial-a-Curse National Lampoon (Ft. Anne Beatts & Bill Murray)

You have reached dial a curse, please stand by all our lines are busy, as soon as one of our lines is free, you will be connected to today's curse

[Surf hold music]

Thank you for waiting
He or she is a slimey sided frog mouth still eating slog with the brains of a turtle
He or she has a voice that could peel paint and his or her looks present a constant threat to the continuing functioning of cameras and clocks
In his or her lineage, females of the canine species predominate
He or she smells like a bus
If his or her physiognomy, it’s a [?] to say that since it occupies a position on the front of his or her head, it must be a face
If fashion law is ever enforced he or she faces a life sentence without hope of parole
He or she possesses the intellectual agility of a small soap dish
To sum up, he or she is a bored selfish stupid ugly dote
He or she is repulsive, revolting, repugnant, vile, bass, crass, foul, oafish, and crude

This has been today's curse, presented as a public service by the night council cursers thank you for calling you pathetic cringing little milk sog