Keith Richards... Tom Waits

He can run faster than a fax machine
His urine is blue
He smells like a campfire
He was once slapped by the Queen
He has walked the equivalent of three times
Around the Earth
Like Keith, the Phengaris rebeli caterpillar strums
His bottom like a guitar and the chord attracts females

At one concert in Java in the '70's
Men screamed, women fainted, and a small boy
Broke his arm in the chaos
And it rained thousands of black worms the size of
Honeybees
He wrote his share of the songs from Sticky Fingers
In a henhouse in Malta
He once won the Hope Diamond in a poker game
And in the same night lost it in a game of craps
He owns a lug wrench and a tire jack made of solid gold

He was born in a cloak room and had always been prone
To fits of weeping followed by hysterical laughter
One of his first jobs was cleaning out the lion cage
At the London Zoo

Like the praying mantis he has only one ear and
It is located between his legs
He can hold a note up to 6 minutes and has 7 or 8 notes
More than the ordinary voice
And they are equally sonorous and clear