When You’re Dead Voltaire

The other day, I took a walk
Because the air was sweet
And I passed the crusty house
Of the curmudgeon on my street
Now, every town has got one
So I'm sure you'll understand
When I tell you this old bastard
Is a mean and bitter man

Now, this day, it was special
I was wearing my new hat
The old curmudgeon saw this
And he disapproved of that. He said:
"I've had one just like that
For ten years, you ripped me off!
You've got no right to wear a hat
Like mine, so take it off!"

As it happens, I'm a gentleman
So I approached his porch
I told him; "Great minds think alike
And you have one, of course
So how 'bout I just tip my hat to you
When I come through?"
He reached down for his gun and said
"I'll shoot you if you do!"