Three-Legged Man Steve Goodman

Now friends you'd never guess it
So I might as well confess it
I just met the sweetest woman of my long dismal life
And a friend of mine says buddy
In case your mind is muddy
Don't you know that girl you're talkin' to is
Peg Leg Johnson's wife?
That man is big and ugly and he's mean and grim
And he's gonna kick your ass with his artificial limb
But next morning bright and early
I ran off with Peg Leg's girlie
And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe
But there weren't no time for laughter
Cause he started hoppin' after
And I keep on runnin' faster but he won't give up the chase
And I'm running around the mountain with his bride
And I got his goddamn leg here by my side

(CHORUS)
And I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased 'round the country by a one-legged fool
He's a hoppin' and a floppin' and he shows
No sign of stoppin'
And I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel

From the mountains and valleys
Across the dark Chicago alleys
From the Rocky Mountain waters
To the hills of Caroline
In and out of Pennsylvania
Up and down the Allegheny
Every time I turn around
He is just one foot behind
And I know he's gettin' tired and wet and sick
But in spite of all his problems he can't kick