The Bastard King of England Oscar Brand

[Verse 1]
Now, the minstrels sing of an English king of many long years ago
He ruled his land with an iron hand though his morals were weak and low
His only other garment was a dirty yeller shirt
With which he tried to hide his hide, but he couldn't hide the dirt

[Chorus]
He was dirty and lousy and full of fleas
But he had his women by twos and threes
God bless the Bastard King of England

[Verse 2]
Now, the Queen of Spain was an amorous Jane
A lascivious wench was she
She longed to play in her loving way with the king across the sea
So she sent a royal message with a royal messenger
To invite the King of England down to spend the night with her

[Chorus]
He was dirty and lousy and full of fleas
And he had his women by twos and threes
God bless the Bastard King of England

[Verse 3]
Well, when Phillip of France he heard it by chance
He declared before his court
"The Queen prefers my rival just because I'm somewhat short"
So he sent the Count of Zippity-Zap
To give to the Queen a dose of clap
To pass it on to the Bastard King of England