50/50 Garfunkel & Oates

Close your eyes, make a wish, picture your perfect woman
Now open your eyes and forget about her cause I’m here and I’m not it
And before we go any further
There’s a few things I’d like to admit

I’m a self-absorbed workaholic
My mind is always divided
My schedule is erratic, just like my thoughts
I’m easily depressed or overly excited whoo!

I can’t do anything around the house
If you want food you gotta cook it yourself
And if we stop having sex, I will leave
I have friends that give me everything else

I’ve got goals and dreams and aspirations
I’ve got shit to do
I’m not gonna change all my plans
Just to be with you

Yeah we’re a perfect couple
If you’re totally comfortable being alone
We’ll always be together
If it’s cool that I’m never home

If you like overcompensation for boundless insecurity
This is where it’s at
And if you notice I’ve been talking about myself this whole time
Well, get ready for more of that