I Can’t Read Jeremy Shamos & Christopher Fitzgerald

[DOUG (as Johan Gutenberg), spoken]
You know... I couldn’t make it without you
The wine, I mean

[BUD (as Helvetica), spoken]
Oh... yes, sir
Thank you, sir
Wonderful sir
(singing)
I watch him working at his press
I watch him make his wine
I stomp the grapes and dream
About the day I’ll make him mine
But I know that day will never come
Cause I am too obtuse
I’m too dumb to understand anything but this grape juice

And I...
I can’t read
I can’t read him
He’s all Greek to me
I... I... I... I...
I still need him
Like a grape that needs a squeeze

His brain is bigger than my brain
He can spell and count by twos
He’s so smart and good at stuff
And all I have is boobs
Cause I was raised to milk a cow
And sit upon a stool
And cows, they never ask you much
No wonder I’m a fool
There’s no school