If I Was With a Woman Ian Dury

If I was with a woman she'd wonder what was happening
Little things would slowly go askew
If I was with a woman I'd make her quite unhappy
'Specially when she did not want me to

If I was with a woman I'd make believe I loved her
When all the time I would not like her much
If I was with a woman she'd soon become unsettled
I'd show her but I would not let her touch

Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Laughing, laughing

If I was with a woman I'd never ask her questions
But if she did not want me to I would
If I was with a woman I'd offer my indifference
And make quite sure she never understood

If I was with a woman I'd threaten to unload her
Every time she asked me to explain
If I was with a woman she'd have to learn to cherish
The purity and depth of my disdain

Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Look at them laughing
Laughing, laughing