Bladderwrack Allowance Half Man Half Biscuit

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To think you could be sitting watching telly by the fire
Instead of being subjected to this
To think someone suggested you’d be pleasantly surprised
And wouldn’t feel the need to boo and hiss

Well blame your partner
Direct that flak at your partner
Though yes, I’ll accept I’m the focus
Of your ire

Gail and Sonia
Have gone downtown on a hen night
And they won’t be back until daylight
One assumes

This is like the dream you feared you’d dream about one night
This is where you never want to be
This is where some fella standing next to you may shout
“Do that one about the Zuiderzee!”

Hold your horses
We might play one you’ll relate to
A song you could even gyrate to
In a while

Ooh, baby
Sue the dating agency maybe
They should have sent you Robert of Blaby
In his Merc
(Blaby’s in Leicestershire)