Paintball’s Coming Home Half Man Half Biscuit

They've got the whole world in their house
They've got the whole wide world in their house
They've got the whole world in their house
To see their new conservatory

They go ten pin bowling after work
They go ten pin bowling after work
They go ten pin bowling after work
They're getting married on a Carribean beach

They've got a german shephard dog called 'Prince'
They've got a german shephard dog called 'Prince'
They've got a german shephard dog called 'Prince'
The one called 'Sheba' died

They know where things are in B&Q
They know where things are in B&Q
They know where things are in B&Q
They've got the Joy of Sex video

If I were a linesman
I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides

They were due on 'The Crystal Maze'
Yeah, they were due to go on 'The Crystal Maze'
Yeah, they were due on 'The Crystal Maze'
But they got mugged in Florida