String Monty Python

[Adrian Wapcaplet: John Cleese & (Mr. Simpson:Eric Idle)]

Ahh, come in, come in, Mr... Simpson! Welcome to Mousebat, Follicle, Goosecreature, Ampersand, Spong, Wapcaplet, Looseliver, Vendetta & Brang!
(Thank you.)
Do sit down, my name is Wapcaplet, Adrian Wapcaplet.
(How d'you do?)
Now, Mr. Simpson. Simpson, Simpson... French, is it?
(No.)
Ah. Now, I understand you want us to advertise your washing powder.
(String.)
String, washing powder, what's the difference? We can sell anything.
(Good.

Well, I have this large quantity of string, a hundred and twenty-two thousand miles of it, to be exact, which I inherited, and I thought if I advertised it-)
Of course! A national campaign. Useful stuff, string, no trouble there.
(Ah, but there's a snag, you see: Due to bad packing, the hundred and twenty-two thousand miles is in three-inch lengths. So, it's not very useful.)
Well, that's our selling point! Simpson's Individual Stringettes!
(What?)
The now string! Ready cut, easy to handle, Simpson's Individual Imperial Stringettes, just the right length!
(For what?)
Uh... A million household uses!
(Such as?)
Umm... Tying up any small parcels, attaching notes to pigeon's legs, uh, destroying household pests-
(Destroying household pests? How?)
Well, if they're bigger than a mouse, you can strangle them with it, and if they're smaller, then you flog 'em to death with it.
(Surely-)
Destroy ninety-nine percent of known household pests with pre-sliced, rust-proof, easy-to-handle, no-calorie Simpson's Individual Imperial Stringettes, free from artificial coloring, as used in hospitals!
(Hospitals?)
Have you ever been to a hospital where they didn't have string?
(No, but it's only string-)
Only string? It's everything!