What’s Gonna Happen to Chris Garfunkel & Oates

If there's a thousand people in the company
One guy's gotta be the worst guy
One guy's gotta be in thousandth place
And we're gonna call that guy...
What would that guy be named?
Maybe something like
Chris

Being the least-productive guy in the office
Used to be enough to keep Chris employed
But now this political correctness
Is threatening the certainty he once enjoyed
Sure, Chris believes in equality
And supports a merit-based system
But why can't things completely change
And stay exactly the same for him?
Oh, yeah, why can't the world eliminate its deeply-ingrained unconscious bias without affecting Chris's accounting job?

Before we worry about solving
Centuries of oppression
We can't forget to ask
The most important question:

What's gonna happen to you, Chris?
Are you gonna actually have to try?
How could they do this to you, Chris?
Why, oh, why, oh, why?
Sure, we all want change
But have you thought about this:
What's gonna happen to Chris?