[Verse 1]
If I die and go to hell real soon
It will appear to me as this room
And for eternity I'd lay in bed
In my boxers, half stoned
With a pillow under my head
[Verse 2]
I'd be chatting on the interweb
Maggots prey upon the living dead
I had no interest in the things she said
On the phone every day
I'll permanently hit the hay, hey
[Chorus]
I called her on the phone
And she touched herself
She touched herself
She touched herself
I called her on the phone
And she touched herself
I laughed myself to sleep
[Verse 3]
At this rate
I'll be heading for electric chairs
I'm only human, with my cross to bear
When she described her underwear
I forgot all the rules
My rabbi taught me in the old shul
If I die and go to hell real soon
It will appear to me as this room
And for eternity I'd lay in bed
In my boxers, half stoned
With a pillow under my head
[Verse 2]
I'd be chatting on the interweb
Maggots prey upon the living dead
I had no interest in the things she said
On the phone every day
I'll permanently hit the hay, hey
[Chorus]
I called her on the phone
And she touched herself
She touched herself
She touched herself
I called her on the phone
And she touched herself
I laughed myself to sleep
[Verse 3]
At this rate
I'll be heading for electric chairs
I'm only human, with my cross to bear
When she described her underwear
I forgot all the rules
My rabbi taught me in the old shul
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