[Verse 1: Hobo Johnson & Backup vocals]
Okay, picture this: There's this cold floating rock, right?
And at the bottom of the rock there’s this ocean
And at the bottom of the ocean there's these little teeny amoeba, right?
And after millions of years, these amoeba, they start turning into fish and swimming around
I don't know how it works, but it does
So these amoebas, right, these f– amoeba fish start swimming around until one day
One of these fish was like, "You know what? I fucking hate the ocean, it sucks, its cold, it’s wet
I'm done I'm done"
So he grabs these fucking little things that are called hands and feet and connects them to his body
And he crawls out of this ocean, right?
And when he gets onto the bay, guess what he sees?
He looks around and he sees a female fish, and she's beautiful
Oh my God, stunning
So they talk, they talk for a few days and they start, you know, after a few days they start mashing parts
Mashing parts
'Cause that's what happens, right? So they mash parts and all these babies get born
After millions of years these babies shed their scales, shed their fins until they start standing upright, and one day
They, fucking– their brains get so big that they begin to understand these really scary concepts
And one of these concepts is that they're going to
Die
And what's scarier than knowing you’re going to die? Nothing, to me
So one day, this guy’s like, "You know what? I'm gonna create something that makes me not afraid of dying," right?
So he comes up with it, and it’s actually called this thing that you may know as, it's called religion
And this religion causes a bunch of conflict
Conflict, bang-bang-bang, that's literally what it sounds like
So with all of this conflict they understand they need some order, so they create this thing called government to keep each other in line, but guess what?
It actually doesn't happen like that
Guess what? It creates, it creates a bunch more conflict
Oh my God, and out of all this conflict arises a president
And this president is orange, he’s got orange hair, it's parted to the side, it looks really dumb
He's chubby, and he's got little sausage fingers
They look like Little Smokies, I personally love Little Smokies
Either way, he starts arguing with this leader on the other side of the world
He's got a bowl cut, he's similarly pudgy, he's got sausage fingers too
I don't know what it is with guys with sausage fingers, but it messes their minds up, right?
So they start bickering like little children
And one day the guy with orange hair is just like, "You know what? I'm gonna fucking do it, I've got a small dick, I ain't got nothing to lose"
So he gets his thing, and he presses the button and it just goes
Okay, picture this: There's this cold floating rock, right?
And at the bottom of the rock there’s this ocean
And at the bottom of the ocean there's these little teeny amoeba, right?
And after millions of years, these amoeba, they start turning into fish and swimming around
I don't know how it works, but it does
So these amoebas, right, these f– amoeba fish start swimming around until one day
One of these fish was like, "You know what? I fucking hate the ocean, it sucks, its cold, it’s wet
I'm done I'm done"
So he grabs these fucking little things that are called hands and feet and connects them to his body
And he crawls out of this ocean, right?
And when he gets onto the bay, guess what he sees?
He looks around and he sees a female fish, and she's beautiful
Oh my God, stunning
So they talk, they talk for a few days and they start, you know, after a few days they start mashing parts
Mashing parts
'Cause that's what happens, right? So they mash parts and all these babies get born
After millions of years these babies shed their scales, shed their fins until they start standing upright, and one day
They, fucking– their brains get so big that they begin to understand these really scary concepts
And one of these concepts is that they're going to
Die
And what's scarier than knowing you’re going to die? Nothing, to me
So one day, this guy’s like, "You know what? I'm gonna create something that makes me not afraid of dying," right?
So he comes up with it, and it’s actually called this thing that you may know as, it's called religion
And this religion causes a bunch of conflict
Conflict, bang-bang-bang, that's literally what it sounds like
So with all of this conflict they understand they need some order, so they create this thing called government to keep each other in line, but guess what?
It actually doesn't happen like that
Guess what? It creates, it creates a bunch more conflict
Oh my God, and out of all this conflict arises a president
And this president is orange, he’s got orange hair, it's parted to the side, it looks really dumb
He's chubby, and he's got little sausage fingers
They look like Little Smokies, I personally love Little Smokies
Either way, he starts arguing with this leader on the other side of the world
He's got a bowl cut, he's similarly pudgy, he's got sausage fingers too
I don't know what it is with guys with sausage fingers, but it messes their minds up, right?
So they start bickering like little children
And one day the guy with orange hair is just like, "You know what? I'm gonna fucking do it, I've got a small dick, I ain't got nothing to lose"
So he gets his thing, and he presses the button and it just goes
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