Watermelon Open Mike Eagle

[Verse 1: Open Mike Eagle]

First I'mma march through the Doubletree
And make all the residents watch I Heart Huckabees
(Yeah)
I'll start five free festivals
For people brave enough to show their IQ test results
(Yeah)
The government should issue people rollerskates
Only optional for the elderly or the overweight
(Yeah)
All politicians should get replaced
So when they lie, somebody's there to punch them in the face
I'll put brushes on everybody's fenders
To free the city budget from shoveling all winter
Less municipal ticketing department powers
And no memorizing street-cleaning parking hours
Make PE instructors show the Figure Four
English professors teach Cappa's verse on Winter Warz
These kind of thoughts should fly like a chopper propeller
But they give all the talkshows to that Costas fella
With this brain I should've been had some mozzarellas
I tried getting attention
I did lots of yelling

[Hook]
You know, goddammit
I'm gonna smash me a watermelon
Think I'm playing?
Somebody pass me a watermelon
A big, fat, red, black-seeded watermelon
Think I'm playing?
I'm gonna smash me a watermelon
Somebody pass me a watermelon
A big, fat, red, black-and-green-seeded watermelon