A Past Embrace 156/Silence

This isn't grace
This isn't a place to feel safe or give praise
This is a past embrace

I attempt to be cordial
In a sense, I wish I could just fucking exit this existential dread I've been given
It's all that I have within, all I am
Sometimes I'm feeling violently sick
It's just the taste of blood
The shade it stains
The fix I seem to crave
The views that fade
I thought that things could change
I thought we paid
I guess I still have time to bleed

Drown the fleet
I detach myself from everyone that still has hope left in me
My dreams are plundering
Wondering how to cross this off if I can't even keep my focus
I'm choking on this and probably bothering all that have to watch
This is exactly how I pictured the scene
My roads are crumbling
How could we come this far to fall back into what's been only beating, mistreating, and feeding on the flesh and bone?

I'll wash my hands of all these indecent wrongs to pretend I'm not just awfully made of flaws
This detesting is all I have ever deserved and I won't ascend to God or his fucking doves
I won't look to the above, just into the sun
Is this all just what I want or what I've become?
Am I even capable of receiving love?
It seems that only time will tell here in hell