Season 1 Episode 1: Trojan Horse Home Security Saturday Night Live (Ft. Dan Aykroyd)
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[ open on Mr. and Mrs. Kromer sitting on the couch in their living room ]
Mr. Kromer: Oh, honey! "Boeing Boeing" with Jerry Lewis is on in ten minutes.
Mrs. Kromer: Aw, sweetheart, I'm tired. I think I'm just going to have another glass of diet root beer and go to bed, okay?
Mr. Kromer: Alright.
[ sound effect: shattering glass offscreen ]
Mrs. Kromer: What was that?! What's going on?!
[ a man in a ski mask rushes into the room pointing a gun ]
Kenny Vorstrather: Hi there! Please, do not be alarmed! This is only a simulated assault and burglery. Repeat! This is a simulated assault and burglery! This could happen to you at any time - in fact, it just has!
Mrs. Kromer: Honey, call the police! Do something!
Kenny Vorstrather: No, don't call the police. I am the police! I might be, anyway.. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kromer. My name is Kenny Vorstrather, and I'm President of Trojan Horse Home Security. I broke into your home tonight to show you just how vulnerable you and your family are to crime. I sell a complete range of home and garden security devices. You might say security is my life. I'm fully qualified to make you feel secure - I used to be an armored truck mechanic, in Leeber City, Arizona. And, you, Mr. Kromer, have the perfect right to throw me out of your house - if.. you think.. you can..
Mr. Kromer: If I think I can?! [ stands up ]
Kenny Vorstrather: You're a pretty hefty guy, Mr. Kromer --
[ another masked man rushes into the room pointing a gun ]
Mr. Kromer: Oh, honey! "Boeing Boeing" with Jerry Lewis is on in ten minutes.
Mrs. Kromer: Aw, sweetheart, I'm tired. I think I'm just going to have another glass of diet root beer and go to bed, okay?
Mr. Kromer: Alright.
[ sound effect: shattering glass offscreen ]
Mrs. Kromer: What was that?! What's going on?!
[ a man in a ski mask rushes into the room pointing a gun ]
Kenny Vorstrather: Hi there! Please, do not be alarmed! This is only a simulated assault and burglery. Repeat! This is a simulated assault and burglery! This could happen to you at any time - in fact, it just has!
Mrs. Kromer: Honey, call the police! Do something!
Kenny Vorstrather: No, don't call the police. I am the police! I might be, anyway.. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Kromer. My name is Kenny Vorstrather, and I'm President of Trojan Horse Home Security. I broke into your home tonight to show you just how vulnerable you and your family are to crime. I sell a complete range of home and garden security devices. You might say security is my life. I'm fully qualified to make you feel secure - I used to be an armored truck mechanic, in Leeber City, Arizona. And, you, Mr. Kromer, have the perfect right to throw me out of your house - if.. you think.. you can..
Mr. Kromer: If I think I can?! [ stands up ]
Kenny Vorstrather: You're a pretty hefty guy, Mr. Kromer --
[ another masked man rushes into the room pointing a gun ]
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