I feel better when nobody remembers i exist Ethan Jewell

I think I feel more relieved when no one remembers I exist
Because the butterflies in my stomach have flown trough my heart and are stuck in my throat
And I think for once I´m okay with being alone

No one cares when you cry
They´re only there when you smile
Sometimes i wanna reverse it all back to when I was a child -
Dealing with scarred knees instead of scarred wrists
Not feeling the urge to crash my bike...
Will you remember me when I´m gone?

The city is so busy, and no one can see the tears on my cheeks
Because I painted them blue so they will blend in
I tried to paint my blackened heart red again so it´ll beat faster -
But I don't know why I even bother

Tell me
If I float face-down in the river this Tuesday, who will be my lifeguard? Will the fish feed on me so at least I have a use?
Or will I just decompose wake up, wake up?
I turn my pockets inside-out, so you can see that I´m empty
I´ll hold on tight to the last text that you've sent me
I´m so weak. They say one foot in front of the other - but it´s hard when your own shoe laces are out to get you
They say one day at a time, but it´s hard when even the sun glares at you with angry eyes
Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall, but then he realized he didn't have anything to live for at all - so he had his great fall!
My own fantasies, my own cartoons in my mind can even be an escape
I´m backed in a corner, but I don´t have the strength to choose fight or flight. So I give up and let it overtake me
If you have a second, maybe you can hear what i preach
Maybe you can watch me nail my hands on this wall
Maybe you can listen to me spread my religion of pain