If I Could Play Piano Allan Sherman

(All my life I've loved Jimmy Durante, as I suppose you have too, and the next thing is kind of a Jimmy Durante type song that I wrote. And it goes like this:)

If I could play the piano
Like I'd like to play the piano
I would sit down at the piano
And I'd play
That's how I'd play the piano night and day

If I could play the banjo
Like I'd like to play the banjo
I'd go out and buy a banjo
And a pick
I mean I'd play the banjo really slick

If I could play the bongos
I'd go get a set of drums
I'd entertain my chums
And then they'd call me twinkle thumbs

But I can't play the piano
Or the banjo, or the bongos
'Cause when I sit down to play
The people laugh
So I guess I'll have to play my phonograph

But my phonograph is broke
My phonograph is broke
My phonograph is broke
I bought it in Hoboken
They fixed it in Shamokin
I mean it, I'm not jokin'
My phonograph is broke
Let's finish this, I'm chokin'
I'm chokin' and I'm croakin'
Hey, stop the music
Stop the music
Stop the music!
Stop the music!