Your Horoscope for Today "Weird Al" Yankovic

[Verse 1]
Aquarius!
There's travel in your future when your tongue
Freezes to the back of a speeding bus
Fill that void in your pathetic life
By playing Whack-A-Mole seventeen hours a day

Pisces!
Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos
With the Ebola virus
You are the true Lord of the Dance
No matter what those idiots at work say

Aries!
The look on your face will be priceless
When you find that forty-pound watermelon in your colon
Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf
Then give a hickey to Meryl Streep

Taurus!
You will never find true happiness
What you gonna do, cry about it?
The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up
Do a bunch of stuff, and then go back to sleep

[Chorus]
That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today
That's your horoscope for today
(That's your horoscope for today)
Yay, yay, yay, yay, yay
That's your horoscope for today