Bookshop Monty Python

[Clerk: (John Cleese) & Customer: Graham Chapman]
Good morning
(Good morning, sir. Can I help you?)

Uh, yes. Do you have a copy of 30 Days In The Samarkand Desert With The Duchess of Kent by A. E. J. Elliot, OBE?
(Uh, well, I don't know the book, sir.)
Er, never mind, never mind. How about 101 Ways To Start a Fight?
(By?)
An Irish gentleman whose name eludes me for the moment.
(Uhh, no, well we haven't got it in stock, sir-)
Ah, well, not to worry, not to worry.

Can you help me with David Coperfield?
(Ah, yes, Dickens)
No.
(I beg your pardon?)
No, Edmund Wells.
(I think you'll find Charles Dickens wrote David Copperfield, sir)
No, no--Dickens wrote David Copperfield with two p's; this is David Coperfield with one p, by Edmund Wells.
(David Coperfield with one p?)
Yes, I should have said.
(Well, in that case, we don't have it.)

Funny, you got a lot of books here-
(Yes, we do, but we don't have David Coperfield with one p, by Edmund Wells.)
Are you quite sure?
(Quite.)
Not worth just looking?
(Definitely not.)
How about Grate Expectations?
(Yes, well we have that.)
That's G-R-A-T-E Expectations, also by Edmund Wells.
(Yes, well, in that case, we don't have it. We don't have anything by Edmund Wells, actually; he's not very popular.)